fishing for compliments

in obscurity, originally uploaded by marinkel.

why is it that i still wait for daddy's approval? especially when he has only ever complained when i am not doing something. when i do, he never notices or hopes i will finish it soon and move onto something else. something he can relate to. "i know this guy works for vw. he could help you find a job," he says to me as i climb into his audi 3, which should really be the bigger one, but one changes cars like underwear and erroneously gave up the A6. just arrived on the continent and so there's hope, he thinks for her to finally be successful. "yeah, but what would i do for vw?" i wonder. "i don't know, just talk to him." yeah, you don't have a clue what i should do. fishing for compliments yet whatever i offer ain't good enough. scholarships, doctorates, graduations. nah. that's over the horizon for papa. but why does it matter so? liselle says, it's cause from the times when i was fishing early but also trying to find myself outside the family realm. i went fishing with him once and we had caught many fishes in a bucket. but i was not made for the killing. so i let them all go again. his entire catch. so we have things in common but we're not the same. take me the way i am. she says, accept that you feel this way and then let it go. it's from the time before when we were young. letting go would be good. so i can finally do what i want without worrying about approval. "were you drunk when you wrote this?" he asks. it's not that he doesn't try. "oh yeah, writing. like that chick that wrote harry potter. richer than the queen now. if one could do something like that..." i should laugh at all this. and i will. one day... then i will have all these compliments in a bucket and i will let them go one by one, because i was not made for the killing.