oscar

omg, it's thursday and there are so many things on my list today. first, get warm feet. i always forget to put on socks because i have recently realized that i have a problem with socks. i won't wear just any kind of socks. even when i'm by myself. if they are ugly they will not touch my feet. yes, this is a sign of insanity. so what? bite me. bite my toes. bite my ass. don't care.

oh yes, this is the moodiness brought upon me by all these chores that are looming in front of my mind. no, not in back because there i can ignore them. right in front where they block my view of denial and daydreams. but what's most recently on my mind is dorian grey. i'm in the middle of it and have to keep smiling. oscar wilde is my fellow libra whom i understand only too well. beauty is everything. nonsense chases away the boredom that reality and utility so amptly bestows upon us. "brute reason is quite unbearable" he says. in speaking of americans. but the "american" symbolizes a certain way of being. the no nonsense, all business type. yes, i have encountered this. "when good americans die, they go to paris". haha. i always thought, don't let me die in america. so i didn't. or i haven't. going to the american afterworld would be like being stuck in a mall i'm afraid. a material hell. a heaven of practicality. i dream and dream again that i am stuck there. was i feeling this and just didn't know it?

now i have come back to europe. "to get back one's youth, one has merely to repeat one's follies". returning to the land of fools."the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes." living in the land of paradoxes. no wonder wilde is quoted so much. i don't regret. that must mean my whole life is one big mistake. haha! i'm rolling these words around in my head. now, i know there is some sort of reality. even one's fiction has some existence in the world. a book in one's hand has substantiality. so if you get my drift, dear reader, you know what i am talking about. if not, forget about it. ahaha.