two little coincidences

i made this picture yesterday of myself (hein hein) and cut it into pieces and then pasted it back together again. i called it "all cut up". it had been a couple of days on edge. a cold making bad mood. a jealousy creating silences. at the hardware store i wanted to cry at his impatience while i was gazing at the different shades of cream. when something shattered onto the kitchen floor i heard him yell "putain". at night all i wanted was to touch and be touched. but things didn't work out that way. then i said like a drama queen "maybe you need a break" which really didn't make things any better. i was on the couch after that, smoking and feeling sorry for myself.

i didn't sleep long and felt crappy this morning. of a night not falling asleep happy. the scales had definitely not reached any equilibrium and all was so askew. i tiptoed into the kitchen and made some coffee. the cups and glasses needed to be washed so i went to the task. darn those thin-glassed mustard jars that i kept for drinking just like my mother used to do. a cupboard full of mustard glasses instead of buying a set... i scrubbed, i hear a "pop" and push my pinkie deeply into the glass. i yell "fuck" though i had been worried at his "putain". but i see blood pouring. another finger now that will be scarred. my tears did not stop the bleeding. but really my eyes had been brimming over since last night. typing this hurts badly.

i openend my mail and read my french newsletter. my "homework" learning french. then i see the word of the day: "un entracte". clicking on the link i read to find out that it means "a break, an interlude, an interruption"...

cuts and breaks. cutting into your flesh with my words. breaking bowls and glasses to be able to cry and vent. how twisted we are...