tomorrow

I can never go back to the place I started from. All keeps going like a rushing train. Sometimes I even miss the exit sign and I keep going even further. Other times I get stuck in one station after dark and cannot find my way out of it. I run around in the underground corridors. I do not tell stories. My thoughts are my stories. I cannot invent a dialogue. It’s a monologue inside my head talking to no one. No one who’s funny and brighten my mood when I spew my ugly words at you. you who are but a placeholder for the ugly part in me. you who sometimes were the beautiful thing in me. it’s gone now that part. But nothing truly dies so I am waiting at this station for it to come on the next train. There hasn’t been a train in a long while but I don’t give up hope. Once I hear the rambling noise I will my find my way out of this darkness. then I will not need eyes to see. I will follow the sound of the engine. Oh but what if they have invented a noiseless train. A train that no longer whistles. A train that no longer touches the rails. Maybe there have been many silent trains passing the station. Waiting on platform four. Or six, or seven. And I missed them all. I must develop a sense for that which is invisible and that which makes no sound. I mustn’t miss another train. It may just be the last one in this station. Maybe tomorrow already they will decide to tear this place down. I have felt the cracks in the wall, this building is on its last legs. It’s on the outskirts of a nowhere town. There are no tourists, no inhabitants nor any relatives to visit them. my only chance is that this town stays forgotten. That I sense the train coming. With my brand new capabilities. I will be a new being. Tomorrow. Or the next day at the latest.

pantheress

pantheress, originally uploaded by marinkel.

i shot the pantheress myself
she's on the loose in some foret en france
les flics are after her with their machine guns
feeling the heat of big game hunt

but i did the preemptive strike
i shot her myself
so she may live

crumbs and crumbling

the fence came down. funny, i said. why? someone behind me asked. because it was a two thousand dollar fence, i answered. but it's much nicer this way. it was only paperthin anyway. so now they have invaded the other world. there was no stopping them after the fence came down. i found my dad underneath the neighbor's lemontrees. he said, they took the fence down so i could see further and talk to them. and obviously enjoy the shade beneath the trees. i looked left and right and only see burnt trimmed grass. no more concrete. a while ago i sat by the shallow pool on the far side of the yard, watching all kinds of scary spiders wander about. my sister who of course also had crossed the divide said i shouldn't be scared. why not, i can't remember. they did me no harm, the tarantulas, and the black widows, and other strange insects, but they crawled into my mind and made me feel uneasy.

and always i can feel his presence. one time it was him. he was one of three boys i was involved with. one i sent away sad. another i was with, but someone said, i am disappointed you are with this one, the short stocky one, the harker type. but wait, i boasted, you haven't seen the tall one, the one i am with on the other side. he is a real dracula. sports a red beard and is dark dark dark.

yet, don't harker and dracula share the same genes, are made of the same wood? now that the fence has come down they are able to interchange more freely than they could before.

and my dad enjoys the shade among the insect kingdom beneath the lemon trees.