cake like that

baking a cake has never been so much fun. this was after the friend who makes me feel uneasy left. uneasy friend. nice friend singing songs from the white album. "everyone's got something to hide except me and my monkey..." and that's the crux: he asks direct questions and i am one to wanting to remain silent and private. this old trust issue... and then he is an aries, and me and aries are opposites on the zodiac. makes things difficult. always has. fire and air. one needs the other to explode! i always live through april holding my breath... that's the way it is. c'est comme ça.

my way of confronting is not confronting at all, being indirect, letting gestures speak a thousand words. letting nice words speak the ugly truth. as opposed to others who like to show their love for you with the flames of hellfire.

but back to the cake. ah. stirring and pouring, licking and tasting, waiting patiently for the dough to rise. breaking apart in the center. this one was a smart one. our creation. then we let it burn a little, so as to make it not perfect. there is no true beauty without some mark of imperfection someone once said. so there was room for improvement. this came with your words, love. "we did a good job!" "well done!" "oui, well done, mon amour... i love you... so much." i felt these words deep down in my belly, made me choke...

some nights are made like this.