live in the now

just now i made the mistake of going back to some old posts i wrote here. oh nostalgia is a bitch when you're in the midst of trying to get over someone. you want to keep going back and back and remember and live in that moment of happiness forever. but time doesn't let you and there must be some reason for that. time keeps marching on. so as i am getting lost in these moments of reverie my kitten steps on the keyboard and the screen switches back to my most recent post. reminding me that there is work to be done. to have time march on past this too. so i can be open for new happy moments. the old ones just don't come back, do they.

and yet, there must be some use to these memories as well. to our ability to go back in time and recover what was beautiful. learning something about ourselves, our ability to love, to experience joy. again and again. that is why perhaps i want to go back. not to recover the past. but my inner strength i had through the love i felt. i want to recover that feeling of being content. because this feeling exists independent of an other. it is within us and we only think the other offers it to us as a gift. but it is really but a reassurance of what we are already given from the beginning.