Monday, October 30, 2006

apples.

he comes toward me with a pistol swinging in his hand, casually down the side. when he lifts it to show me, i notice the large barrel of it, larger than i had ever seen. not that i have seen so many pistols in my life. i ask, what are you doing with this here? he screams heatedly, they told me he is here somewhere waiting for me with a loaded gun, so i thought i'd bring one to protect myself! i say, no, don't do this, it's better for you to leave. but too late as i see the other one who's face i have forgotten, walking in a quick pace from the backside of the house. he had been waiting beneath the apple trees, starring up at the red marvels hanging high up in the branches, blocking out part of the sun.

now they are standing face to face. i can feel the heated anger emanating from my brother. because he is my brother, you must know. the one who came just to defend his honor and the life of his love. so sudden, i can do nothing, he pulls the trigger and shoots the other in the foot two times. this one yells out in agony. as a shriek escapes my tightening throat he has already shot my brother. has put a large gaping hole into his forehead. my brother's eyes go blank immediately, before he even hits the ground. he is in my trembling arms now. i am crying, whimpering no, no. life flickers back into his eyes, his lips speaking their last words, i shouldn't have done that...

apples.

Friday, October 20, 2006

van gogh romance


What van Gogh painting most suits you?

Wheat Field with Crows (July 1890)

The perfect balance between the stormy sky and fertile field speaks volumes about the artist’s life, maybe even life in general.

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Thursday, October 05, 2006

anxieties

i am feeling so frightened today. never leaving always hiding. i am a freak hiding inside not just these four walls. but inside this one layer of skin. no one ever taught me how to live. maybe nobody knows. my mother only taught me how to die. there has not ever been a happy soul in my vicinity. i lived inside a russian novel and that is life. this is what i actually believed.
i watched this movie, i'm bad with titles. a man had no dreams, never knew what he wanted. kept in silence cause he had nothing to say. so he got a new identity while his other one died to the world. a fresh start. but it all became a mess again. he was trapped not inside a body but in a soul. so he went back to the place where they had surgically altered him. give me another one, another chance to start anew, he demanded. so they strapped him to a stretcher. and drilled a hole into his head.
there are no new beginnings. only a switch on the path you have been walking that you choose to alter. simply going down the road but looking at the branches of trees, instead of the decaying of leaves. a change in view.
i will go buy a tripod.

what was it? what is the mystery? she said give it back to me. don't take it away from me. did she mean, don't take him away from me? we had to find out. snuck into the hospital to search for a clue. and here it was. a diary. was it simply a story of boyfriend stealing? or was it more? does this kill someone? how can i convey the pain i felt?